Fever

I felt my body somehow heavy. I thought I should practice, but I didn't dare start. I couldn't judge what my body wanted to do. I thought I would just get rid of evil spirits from my body, and breathed heavily with my both hands placed on the pit of my stomach. After repeating the practice, I was getting tired as Katsugenunndo (regenerative body movements) somehow started. Then I felt definitely tired. No way to practice, I felt so cold and I hurried to lie down on the sofa and put a blanket over me. Soon I added a coat and a sweater nearby, but I didn't feel warm at all though I covered myself all over. My toes felt cold. It might have been good to warm my toes with warm water, but I couldn't bother. I asked my daughter, who had just come home, to bring bedding, and she said "Why don't you go upstairs and sleep properly". Still I didn't want to move. Finally, I felt good as I was covered with bedding and a blanket on the sofa. I decided not to move and became gradually comfortable.

Today is my son's birthday party. His actual birthday was yesterday, but the day after his birthday is always holiday in Belgium, as it is amnesty day. In addition, most of the schools set tomorrow as a holiday because tomorrow is Friday, therefore we have four consecutive holidays. My son asked me, "Can I hold my birthday party here, and let everybody stay afterwards, please?" As I have to fly to Japan on the following Saturday, I approved it. I don't mind if they come to my home. Everybody is lovable.

Though at this very moment, I can't even imagine traveling such a long way to Japan. I can't even bother to go to my bed upstairs. So it appears to be an unthinkably heavy task to play the violin immediately after arrival at rehearsals and concerts. Papa complains with anger that my schedule is far too tight, but I am ready to take a risk and difficulty because I want to stay with my family as long as possible and come back in the quickest way. So until the last moment, I try to give lessons, to take care of my son's party and to practice the violin, but my body screamed that I couldn't do everything. This is my excuse. My children, knowing my excuse or not, went out yesterday. My son has gone to stay at his friend's place on his birthday for three consecutive years, and my daughter went out for a party, dressing up and saying "I am going to a party, which is rare on consecutive holidays". I felt somewhat discarded feeling my body cold, and felt like there was a hole in my mind.
As compared with yesterday, today I feel warm, partly because of my fever.

As my son and his friends came back from a movie, I finally went upstairs. How good it feels to be in bed covered with bedding. I feel warm from the core of my body. "Mama feels warm". I took temperature and it was 38.6 degrees C. However, on the right hand side, the temperature was only 37.7 degrees C. It is unusual to have such a big difference between right and left. I was impressed by how this big difference was. No wonder that my eyes are bleary. I have a pain in both my joints and my neck. Despite all this, I feel somehow warm, lying here and hearing the laughter and noise of everybody. It might not be too bad to cancel my trip to Japan and to stay here, so I chuckled to myself.

I might have slept for one hour or so. I have to prepare for the children's party. Somehow all the necessary shopping of ingredients and preparation was done yesterday. My daughter makes rolled sushi, I cook deep fried chicken, which takes an hour, and Papa appeared with a cake which he baked for the first time. I saw my son blow out the candles, an annual custom, arranged all the necessary bedding for everybody's sleep time downstairs, and I fell asleep while listening everybody's laughter.

On the following day, my fever is gone. I attend the meeting which I thought I would cancel yesterday. I feel a lot better, though I still feel a little dizzy. Maybe I can go to Japan if my condition stays like this. It is finally over after I have a fever once again.

On the following Saturday, I am aboard a plane as if nothing has happened.

If I did not have that fever, I would have built up stress, drunk a lot of alcoholic drinks without much taste, and read books frantically.

In the airplane, I encountered an interesting old lady. I rarely carry on a conversation with the person sitting next to me. As her timing was so good in a strange way, we continued talking and travelling together until we arrived at our destination by limousine bus!

An encounter is interesting because it happens unexpectedly. When I am in a good condition, a person appears fresh, regardless of whether he is new to me or an acquaintance. I am grateful for my good condition, which can be said to be etiquette for an encounter.

I started Katsugenunndo (regenerative body movements) in Brussels. There are experienced persons, beginners and babies. In the past, I thought if I would start such a thing, it may bring cracks to my music. I am not professional, either. However, I thought that it is a tough business to live in a foreign country on my own, when I could not control my condition due to excessive drinking, jet lag and air conditioning in September in the US. I thought about my students, too. I would be grateful, if my Katsugenunndo could be of any help.
The feeling of Yuki (hand healing) is similar to the feeling of tuning an instrument. The subtle difference of several tenths of a millimeter makes a sound different, and makes a body different, too.
Interesting, isn't it!