The Empty Nest Syndrome

I feel like I'm in an empty nest. I never imagined that I would feel like this. As a matter of fact, I have spent my life as a continuous repetition of debut and retirement, and I have felt loneliness like an empty hole in my heart on each occasion.
The tiredness I feel after giving lessons is different from the tiredness I feel after a concert. But in either case, when I come home, I'm hoping for some relief. Instead, I encounter my daughter's immediate request.
"Mama, can I go to Ewald's house for dinner?"
"What? I just got home."
"But I want to play with her. Could you come pick me up later?"
"Have you finished your homework?"
"Yes, I have."
"Well, then, I don't mind."

"Mama, I'm going out to walk the dog with my friend for about an hour."
"Be careful. There are some weird people around these days"
Before one of my husband's orchestra "Charlemagne" concerts, I ask:
"Shall I go?"
"Please don't. You'd make me nervous."
"・・"

For better or worse, everybody is so independent!
I'm away from home more than anyone else in my family, but when I'm at home I'm always the one who ends up alone.
I listen to a CD, which is a live recording and editing of one of my performances last year. "Was it really like this?" I am always disappointed, realizing that this is the best I can do right now. "I should have played this part in a different way". "Ah, why did I play like this?" Judging from this CD, it could have been better if I had recorded in the studio, though this was taken live. Although there is passion in live performances, people tend to notice imperfections.
I am grateful if a listener feels my affection and respect for some piece, that is after all most important !


Last year, I took the shoulder pad off my violin. I had been using it for a long time. The pad was not hard or high to begin with, and it had flattened out over 30 years of use. Since removing it, I've noticed a difference in the tone of the violin and the position shift of my left hand. I want to fit the violin directly to my body as much as possible. I can hear the fine points more clearly than before. However, now my left hand plays a larger role in holding the violin, which may increase the burden on my left arm.
Oddly enough, my left arm has become more sensitive for that part.
The right hand might not have been fully utilized yet.
There is a teaching method for playing with ease.
The reason for playing with ease is to pursue something beyond that. If there is no such purpose, playing with ease does nothing but limit one's possibilities.
By removing the shoulder pad, I can change the tonality more easily. I was a little frightened for the first concert, but my co-player commented, "Somehow, you're playing more freely and expressively than before." It was Jean-Marc.

He himself has changed his method. He says that he has decided to play while looking at sheet music both for recitals and concertos. He has thought it over, having made various mistakes, and has reached the conclusion that he can concentrate on the music this way.

El Bacha plays without sheet music, as is well-known, even Beethoven's violin sonatas. Although I didn't have to, I tried playing without sheet music to find out if it is better for concentrating on the music. It was frightening, in a different way from playing concertos without sheet music. In this way, we can play difficult passages together well for the first time, whereas normally we practice over and over and still have difficulty getting a satisfactory ensemble. We play, sensing each others feeling. It is another case where accepting another's method works out nicely.

When I think about my empty nest, my mind soon fills with thoughts of music, and I realize that my empty nest is not a problem after all.