My Children Are Growing Up

I came back from a concert tour.
My husband and two children seem to have learnt how to survive while I am away.
A nice pumpkin soup was waiting for me after this long trip.
It took some time for my children to come out of their rooms.

But they were happy and said "Welcome home ".　I was excited to open the whole bunch of souvenir.
My daughter was amazed at how I managed to bring them back.
She has recently matured considerably, and said, "You really must enjoy traveling" since I frequent travels between Japan and Belgium.

"Yes, I really do put a lot of effort in whatever I do," I muttered to myself.
In a few days, I was an ordinary house wife again.
Their life came back to normal--or shall I say my life was back to normal.

My husband eagerly went out everyday just as if he was waiting patiently for my return.
He own concert with his orchestra, Charlemagne, would begin soon.
Although we both are musicians, our schedules are somehow well coordinated so that at least one of us can stay with children.
If both of us had to go out, we would ask Aunt Therese to baby-sit our children. Even my students can become play mates and look after them these days.
My life with my husband was like walking on a tight lope but it affected our children most.
However, my husband and I wanted to do things by ourselves rather than relying on others, because this was the best to be close to our children.
The three of them seem to enjoy being together.
My children always ask where their father is every time they come home from school.
I would tell them that he is either out or will be coming home late.
They both say, "Oh...."

Do they behave this way when I was away?
I guess I am simply not here because Japan was so far away,

My son asked when I tucked him to sleep.
'Mama, when are you going away next time?'
'On 10th of November'
'For how long?'
'About 20 days'

'Then, after that?' 'I will be in Europe until January'
'And then?'
'I will be away again. Do you want to come with me?'
'・・・'
'Then?'
'・・・'

The child grows up without a parent, as the saying goes, but I always feel as if I am leaving my soul behind with my children at home when I go away for a concert tour.

But I do want to perform concerts, by all means!.

I do not know when my children feel lonely.
It could be when at school realizing that I am a way.
It could be when they are about to sleep and feel their back is cold.
They might find studying to be boring.

Whenever I made a call, my husband says 'Everything is under control!'
My children say 'we're OK.'
Being together and talking together is nothing unusual between parent and child, but I should not forget that they might not be exactly like I think.
I need to find out about them a little bit.
I need to make observations about them a little bit.

You have to step in a little and step out a little.
It doesn't only apply to music.

What is amazing is that they are growing away from me as time goes by.
They are firmly pursuing on their own way, while stepping back and forth.

While I have been busy traveling back and forth ten years has already passed and they have been growing up steadily, building up their own character.

For how long can I be involved with my children?
For how long can I share feelings like joy, anger, sorrow, and comfort with them?

Today is 'No car day' in Brussels.
It is fine in autumn day. In this refreshing autumn air, everybody is either cycling or roller skating in the driveway. Once when I came back from Paris it took 1 hour instead of the usual 20 minutes from the station to home. A taxi driver apologetically drove slowly after the bicycles.

What is our family doing today?
My husband will be rehearsing with the orchestra whole day. This is a difficult job because this concert needs a chorus, singers, actors and actresses, images and lighting. It would be difficult for me to organize these things. He comes home happily every day after attending meetings or going to diner parties for the performance. I think that conductors and soloists are completely different although they are both musicians.

My daughter is participating in the triathlon meet in Ardennes. She stayed at her friend's house yesterday because she cannot use her father's car to carry her bicycle. She will need to try hard to swim 400 meters, cycle for 14 kilometers, and run for 4 kilometers.

Until a few years ago, I used to follow with her in my car ( I cannot run ) with a stopwatch and cheer for her at the crossroads.
Last year I stopped following her and waited at a cafeteria drinking coffee with a stopwatch in hand. I went to the starting point and waited for her to return with a stopwatch in hand. This was only occasion that I used the stopwatch function in my cell phone.
Recently, she has joined a club to train. I once followed her through a meet but felt awkward when I tried to find a place or to help her prepare.
Besides, I failed to take her photographs in her glorious moment
Today, I will just pray for her success.

My son has gone out with his friends. He said, "I am bored staying at home, Mama."
He called me telling where he is and that he is going to a forest. After that phone call I am now writing this essay.

Well, it is difficult to materialize that a family is unity.